How to be a person who can chat
1、 Listening & mastering the rhythm
All guys who talk annoyingly have a common trait, that is, they "don't consider other people's feelings at all".
I believe many people have met "torture" interlocutors. Open the chat records between you and him. In the 10 conversations, 90% of them are asking you all kinds of questions, ranging from where your parents work to your income and private life. This "unique way of communication" gives you the illusion of being caught and interrogated by the enemy.
In addition, I also know some "performance" talkers. They basically don't give you a chance to speak. They chatter about how good they are all the time, and then give you a set of life principles. It's so annoying. They don't need normal communication, but eagerly turn every conversation into a stage and give everyone a free talk show just to satisfy their fanatical desire for performance.
Of course you can ask questions, but you must master the boundaries of frequency and privacy; Don't talk about yourself, give the other person some chance to talk. The rhythm of conversation is a very important thing. It determines whether you can communicate happily. By the way, if you don't hate each other, you can try to smile and keep a friendly expression.
Before any conversation, please remember to listen to the other party instead of asking nonsense.
Two, do not make complaints about it, but be tactful.
Make complaints about the atmosphere of Tucao too heavy, so everyone began to make complaints about "Tucao" is a very cool thing.
Sometimes, it's cool to see Tucao's passage, but it's not the same thing to make complaints about yourself. Especially those who are not close enough to Tucao, you may make complaints about it. In real life, apart from cross talk actors, Tucao will not make you look funny and humorous, but it will make complaints about your "lack of courtesy and upbringing". The dislike of Tucao is that you put a big pot of salt on the other side's pain to make complaints about the "cheap and interesting". It can't help you solve any problems, but it may make things worse.
Even in the United States, where films like "bankrupt girl" are made, well-educated young people are very tactful and polite. On the occasion of life, everyone tends to "may I ask your name?" Replace "what is your name?"; When boys pay the bill, they often say "I will take care of it". Please pay attention to the usage of "take care".
If you want to be considered a decent person, you must use more honorifics and thanks, and say polite words such as "please", "trouble you" and "I don't know if it's convenient for you" when asking others for help. When the other party has made contributions to the project, say more "thank you for your contribution in XX..."; When rejecting others' requests, you can be firm, but use euphemistic words. You can say, "I'm really very sorry. I really can't help with this matter. Do you want to consider other methods, such as. In short, don't leave without a word. Let the other party feel that he is valued and respected.
3、 Accurately understand other people's information
The reason why many people talk annoyingly and can't say the point is often because they can't accurately understand the information conveyed by others, or they are arrogant enough to disdain to understand others.
When others say a word to us, they actually send us a message. Before giving back this information, it is necessary for us to analyze and process this information.
First of all, you should judge the other party's mood. Is he happy, depressed or in urgent need of comfort? Secondly, you should pause a little and refine what the other person's focus is in your mind. Also, why did he say that and what was his motivation. The next question is, what questions do they want you to solve and answer?
It may be a little tired to use this method at first, but if you keep thinking, you will find that your speaking ability will be improved in a very short time. In the final analysis, the improvement of expression ability comes from thinking.
4、 Express ideas accurately
A when you borrow money from you and you reluctantly say "OK", the other party will be happy, but you may not be; Abusive ex asks you to get back together. If you say "no problem", the other party is ecstatic and goes home to have a good sleep. From then on, your nightmare begins.
Before speaking, don't promise something you don't want to do in order to make the other party happy; Especially in the face of important commitments, please touch your heart and ask, "what do I want this thing to be?"“ What do I really want? ". You can make the other person feel comfortable in attitude, but you must follow your heart in making specific decisions.
After making a clear position, you need to sort out the cumbersome ideas in the order of 1, 2 and 3 in your mind. When the thinking and context become clear, you try to pass the information to the other party one by one.
In short, think clearly before you speak, don't worry about nonsense and commitment, and don't throw your messy thoughts to others. Organized expression is like a popsicle in 37 ° summer, which brings people a refreshing pleasure; If you use organized expressions in the workplace, colleagues and bosses will feel that you are more professional and trustworthy.
5、 Identify with each other's feelings
When the other party feels very bad, he pretends to be cold and throws down a few words "life is like this" and "this is your choice". It's really annoying. Who doesn't understand these big principles and won't say them? Sometimes, when friends ask us for advice and talk to us, they actually show their trust in us. They think that the fragility of this moment can be shared with us.
No matter whether you can do something for him or not, you should at least affirm his emotions, and don't be stingy with comforting words and warm hugs.
Sometimes, "being recognized" is the best healing medicine; For friends in trouble, a "I know you" and "don't cry, there is me" can make them feel more relieved than any reprimand.
6、 I'm not teaching you flattery
Some people will worry and ask, "learning to speak" is tantamount to giving up the real yourself?
My answer is, when you were a baby, you kept crying. Now you know restraint. Does it mean you have lost yourself? Of course not. Everyone evolves or degenerates with time and experience. There will be different you at different stages.
We are not adolescent children for a long time. It is childish to avoid correcting ourselves with the excuse of "I don't want to lose myself". It's really important to be cool, but it's better not to be cool on key things.
I don't agree with the values of flattery and flattery, nor do I encourage everyone to do such things“ Learning to speak "does not emphasize this. It emphasizes taking care of and understanding others and expressing yourself accurately and methodically. It is a skill that can improve the quality of life, just like learning cooking or playing the cello.
Whether you believe it or not, language is a very important thing after all. It not only has the power to warm people's hearts, but also has the ability to make you feel great pain. It is not only unpredictable, but also has unpredictable magic. Through communication with friends and lovers, we gradually begin to believe that "I am not alone in this world". Therefore, please cherish this special human skill, master it and treat it seriously.