How to get to know someone through chat
Peeping into his inner world from the mantra
A well-known human behaviorist once said, "human beings have two kinds of expressions. One is the expression on their face; The other is the message conveyed by the other party when talking. " A catchphrase is a conditioned reflex of people's subconscious mind. It is the personal information and personality that people inadvertently reveal. It is an inner view of things and a fixed language reflection mode formed by external information through its own psychological processing. Therefore, we can understand each other's personality according to each other's mantra, so as to understand his inner world and make ourselves master the initiative of conversation.
[why] such people can't stand things that go against their will, and use this repeated mantra to voice grievances and alleviate depression. Through observation, it is easy to judge the likes and dislikes and values of such people.
[I heard...] such people will leave room for themselves. Generally, such people have a wide range of knowledge, but their decision-making ability is not enough.
[to tell you the truth, to be honest, to be sure, not to deceive you] such people are not confident, lack a sense of security in their heart, have a somewhat impatient personality, and are very concerned about the other party's evaluation of the events they have stated, so they repeatedly emphasize the authenticity of things, hoping that they can be recognized in the group and trusted by many friends.
[maybe, maybe, maybe] this kind of person has strong self-defense ability and won't completely expose his inner thoughts. He is very calm, so his work and personnel relations are good.
The language characteristics of speech expose the hearts of others
Everyone has his own characteristics when talking. By skillfully analyzing the tone, speed and tone of the other party's conversation, we can explore what the other party is thinking in his heart. From the other party's way of speaking, choice of words and sentences, we can see the other party's inner situation, so we can understand how we should deal with it.
During the period of the Three Kingdoms, the famous scholar Guo Shaojia took refuge in Yuan Shaojia. Yuan Shao respected him and treated him like a guest of honor. But soon after, Guo Jia saw from Yuan Shao's speech that he was an unreliable man. Therefore, he said to Guo Tu, a Counselor: "Yuan Shao ostensibly imitated Zhou Gong's courtesy to virtuous corporal, but he didn't focus on what he said, and he often talked about family affairs; I like to let everyone give advice, but I can't make a decision. Such a person can't do great things. " Soon, Guo Jia left Yuan Shao and went to Cao Cao.
When Cao Cao wanted to inspect Guo Jia himself, he asked him, "do you think I can defeat Yuan Shao?" Guo Jia said, "Yuan Shao has ten defeats and you have ten wins [see bet 1]." Cao Cao was convinced. Finally, he suggested that Cao Cao should attack Lv Bu first, and then gradually expand his territory and expand himself. Cao Cao immediately said, "just as Mr. said. You are the one who has made me a great cause, and you are the counselor I am looking for! " Guo Jia also said, "you are the Ming Lord I am looking for!"
Yuan Shaoping has no focus when talking. He likes to talk about family affairs and has no decision-making ability, which proves that he has no ambition and can't achieve great things. Cao Cao was concise and comprehensive. He immediately adopted Guo Jia's suggestions, which proved that he acted decisively, did not procrastinate, could be a major event, and spoke humbly, which made Guo Jia die hard. Therefore, Guo Jia dispels his scruples and can enjoy what he wants.
Some people speak vulgar and obscene, some speak courteously, some speak orderly, some speak nonsense, some speak empty, some speak unintelligible. These can reflect each other's personality characteristics.
Noble, elegant and magnanimous people speak gently and fluently, indicating that they often use elegant social expressions. However, this kind of people should be divided into two kinds. One kind of people is the same on the outside and inside; The other is duplicity.
Many duplicitous people are noble in appearance and ugly in heart. They don't want to be perceived by the other party for their purpose of trying to cover up, so they speak in a gentle tone.
People with vulgar speech are more simple. This type of people, whether to leaders or subordinates, the same sex or the opposite sex, do not change their way of speaking. They like it in the end and hate it in the end.
Only by treating people with different personalities differently can we win each other's favor
1. Impatient person: laugh it off.
Impatient people are generally straightforward and say what they think. If you associate with such a person, the other person may unintentionally offend you. At this time, you should keep a cool head and don't care too much about it, because the other party has no malice in his heart and doesn't deliberately pick on you or be dissatisfied with you. You can laugh at his words, or use self mockery to resolve the embarrassing situation. When the other party understands his mistakes, you will be grateful to you, think you are a generous person, and then be more willing to communicate with you sincerely.
2. Rigid person: patiently snipe his hobby.
Rigid people generally like to go their own way in everything they do, and are always cold to others, especially strangers. Sometimes, although you greet him politely, he will always ignore it and generally will not respond as you expect. In fact, such people generally have few interests and hobbies, and they usually don't like communicating with others. Therefore, when communicating with such people, you will feel that the other party is too boring and can't even find a topic to communicate. In fact, such people also have things they pursue and care about. Therefore, when communicating with such people, you must not show indifference. Instead, you should spend some time, observe carefully, pay attention to his every move, and find out what he really cares about from his words and deeds. Once they touch the topic they are enthusiastic about, they may immediately sweep away the rigid expression on their faces and show great enthusiasm.
In addition, when dealing with such people, we should be more patient, communicate with them step by step, and try not to touch those people or things that upset him. Put yourself in their shoes, protect their interests, gradually let the other party consciously accept some new things, and finally change their mentality. In this way, they may be more willing to associate with you.
3. Arrogant person: find the nature of his life.
In the process of communication, we may also meet some people who think highly of themselves and look down on others. They always like to show an "egotistic" appearance. Such people are rude and arrogant. To tell the truth, dealing with such people is really a painful thing. However, communication with such people also has certain communication skills. Generally, the following two points shall be achieved:
(1) The language is concise and clear. When communicating with such a person, express your request or a problem clearly to the other person in the least possible words. In this way, the other party will feel that you are a quick and straightforward person, will no longer "bargain" with you, and will eventually restrict your behavior.
(2) Such people should be deliberately invited to engage in some activities. For example, invite him to dance, sing karaoke, or talk more about home affairs with him, and so on. Once the other person shows the true nature of his life in front of you, he will no longer be arrogant to you.
4. Competitive person: smooth the donkey's hair.
Such people generally have a strong desire for performance. When communicating with others, they will show off and arrogant, and always strive to prove that they are stronger and correct than others. When they meet their competitors, they will always try to exclude each other, attack each other by any means, and strive to gain the upper hand in all aspects. When communicating with such a person, you must follow him, praise him more, and don't show that you are better than him, otherwise you may annoy each other.
Two must kill skills to make the other party feel happy to communicate:
1. The power of the word "you / you" can hide yourself and give each other a chance to show
When we talk with strangers, we use the word "you" as much as possible before saying each sentence, which will immediately grasp the other party's heart, win more positive responses, make the other party feel proud, quickly walk into the other party's heart and achieve our own communication purpose.
2. Be good at listening and give each other a chance to show
Hongding businessman "Hu Xueyan's communication skill used by many friends" is very simple, that is, he will listen. When dealing with others, no matter how boring the other party's words are, he can be serious, look at the other party with both eyes, listen very deeply, and will have great interest in the other party's words. Moreover, at a critical juncture, he would add one or two sentences, which made the talker feel the pleasure of meeting him later, and then he would naturally become good friends with him.
Tips for winning the favor and trust of new friends:
1. Cater to each other's interests. 2. Say good things behind your back. 3. Praise / flatter. 4. Be good at activating the atmosphere during conversation (humor, exaggerated praise, self mockery)
[Note 1] Yuan Shao has "ten defeats" and the Lord (referring to Cao Cao) has "ten victories", which is roughly as follows:
Yuan Shaofan, Li Duoyi; And the Lord let nature. This is the "Daosheng" one.
Yuan Shao did not respect the imperial court; The Lord supports the son of heaven and commands the world. This is "righteousness wins" two also.
At the end of the Han Dynasty, the government order lost its leniency, and Yuan Shao ruled leniency with leniency, so he could not end his decadence; The Lord ruled with ferocity, and both the upper and lower levels could exercise self-discipline. These are the three principles of "governance and victory".
Yuan Shao is broad outside but taboo inside. He is suspicious of his employees. All the people he uses are relatives and children. The Lord is easy to be simple outside but smart inside. He has no doubt about his employment. He is only competent and does not ask whether he is close or not. This is the "degree victory" four also.
Yuan Shao often misses a good opportunity when he makes many plans and makes few decisions; As soon as the Lord's plan comes out, he will implement it. He will be flexible and changeable. This is the five principles of "seeking victory".
By virtue of his family background and prestige, Yuan Shao pretended to be modest and fishing for fame. Most of his followers were people greedy for fame; The Lord treats people sincerely, gets along with people with confidence, and does not seek false beauty. Under the rate of thrift, there is nothing stingy about rewarding meritorious deeds. Therefore, people with loyalty, righteousness, wisdom and genuine talents and practical learning are attached to him one after another. This is the "virtue wins" six also.
Yuan Shao was sympathetic to hunger and cold, but he was indifferent to those who had not seen their relatives. This is also the so-called "benevolence of women"; Although the Lord has neglected the small things in front of him, he can look at the world and think more than he expects. This is the "benevolence wins" seven also.
Yuan Shaoxi's officers and men fought for power and profit and slandered each other; However, the Lord's "Tao" has made rumors unpopular. This is the "Mingsheng" eight also.
Yuan Shao, regardless of right and wrong, listened to them and rejected them; The Lord treats "yes" with courtesy, and "no" with justice. This is "Wen Sheng" Jiuye.
Yuan Shao liked bluff and talked about the army but didn't understand the essentials of the art of war; Lord, you can defeat the enemy with less, use your arms like a God, and show no ghosts. This is "wusheng" shiye!
With this "ten victories" versus "ten defeats", why do you worry about Yuan Shao not being destroyed! "